Chapter 4: Camp so Hard

I, Abigail Eastman have survived camping.

Still in shock. Still picking out little thistles and sticks from my clothes. Still tired from a weekend of constant people (love them to pieces by the way but for me being with big groups can sometimes be overwhelming).

Above everything, I am incredibly glad that I went. I don't think I will ever willingly go camping-- actually I know I never will-- but I am pretty thankful for the memories and unity that comes from it.

When you're out of your natural habitat everything becomes more uncomfortable. Current problems seem heightened and new problems leave you at a state of "I just can't even." It's a place where you're constantly being pushed and it's gloriously healing. I once told my friend that there was a whole world outside of her comfort zone and that she needed to go and find it. Just think about all the places, people and experiences we would never even have had any concept of if we just stayed in places we thought were safe. I for one would still be in Canada hiding beneath my sheets with the same friends (love em to bits btw) as I have always had. I wouldn't have rode in the back of a truck through Thailand under full starry skies or dug my toes in the  warm sands of the lively beaches of Hawaii. I wouldn't have found out just how great a life with Jesus was at the time I did. I wouldn't have been the person I am today. Without camping I wouldn't have gotten to know my students deeper or experience them learning to love each other, creating more family than friendship. Kenny Peavy spoke about it in the first week: that we are so privileged to be in the room with such all stars. I have always looked around our classroom and seen such a depth to every single one of them. I'm happy I went because I got to see a little deeper into the lives of the dreamers and leaders that had surround me for the past month.

I felt so challenged to look past my human instincts-- my short patience and my want to withdraw from "too much" social interaction-- and learn to look at my SOMD family exactly as God sees them: as superstars, great leaders, sons and daughters. I was challenged to find the gold in things I didn't necessarily love (ex. Hiking. Hiking is not fun but people are fun when you hike with them). I was challenged to to live fully in the truth that God is my protector (ex. There was a bear who constantly decided to visit our campground in the middle of the night!) I was on edge in so many ways. Not a bad thing by the way. I'm sure the view is prettier on the edge then staying way far back in the comfort zone.

I was never able to say the word love before. Like I could say it but I questioned what it really meant. I knew the weight and the responsibility that came when you loved someone and in some sense I never wanted to say it to people because I was afraid to commit or I was afraid I could never live up to the expectation love held. Love calls us higher and forces us to treat others as if they were the most special person in the world. It's changed since I let Jesus love me. I tell it constantly to my friends and family and I don't put a time limit on how long it takes for me to know someone in order to love them. I still won't really tell people that I love them without truly meaning it because when I love I love deeply. It's hard to explain  because I know we are called to love everyone and I understand that. But I think love will always be deeper and more tangible when you know the person for who they were created to be. I think there's a difference with loving someone and falling in love with someone, and not even in a romantic sense. When you fall, you fall for their character and for who they are. I fell for my family and my friends and I think I'm falling for this SOMD. I'm thankful that this weekend gave me the chance to see people and their hearts a bit better. Such a place to grow, and such a people to grow with.

- Abby

Chapter 2: So If The Son Sets You free, You Will Be Free Indeed

I feel free. Like I can breathe clearer and my mind isn't a constant mess. It's like the world has become that much more full of life. I'm sure if you stared into my eyes, flames would be staring right back.

This. This is what life feel like when you let the Holy Spirit consume you. We had Kenny Peavy speak in our school this week. He spoke truth after truth about what it means to know who you are and to lead out of that place. It wasn't even what he said that amazed me, but more of how he carried himself. When you walk knowing you are loved child of God, you literally invite everyone around you into doing the exact same thing.

I am passionate about people remembering who they are. I had this revelation a couple weeks ago that people didn't need to be given identity, they just needed to rediscover it. It's buried beneath our lies and sin and it's begging to be known. It was given to us long before we were born. It is familiar and always feels right.

As we prayed and worshiped this week with Kenny, I saw so many of our students walk a bit more in who they were. I love watching people worship. I love when you see that switch of nervousness and caution turn into letting go. Finally not caring what anyone thinks about them, they just shake off the fear of man and begin worshiping whole heartedly.

The connection of fear of man to identity is astounding. There have been countless times-- and there still is-- where I wouldn't say something or wouldn't do something because I'd either be straight up afraid or subconsciously afraid of what others would think. It's stopped me from doing things I love like singing in front of others and has even effected small things like from wearing an outfit I liked but was afraid it wasn't actually stylish. It's insane how much we care without even realizing it and how we drag down the ones who don't. Literally. We judge the people who seem "weird" and are shocked and appalled at the people who say something taboo when everyone else is secretly thinking it anyway. I don't want that in my life. I want freedom.

It's really such an awesome thing when you can feel the Holy Spirit take you to this place of freedom where you don't care. It can change everything. I pray for me and the students this quarter to have that. This culture of not caring and not caring that others are not caring (I don't even know if that makes sense) I really do believe it can start with worshiping freely. I think the Lord really honors that. Well at least I've felt that in my own life and more than anything I hope everyone else can feel it too.

- Abby

Chapter 1: SOMD Intros and First Reflections

And just like that, the first week of SOMD  has already come to a close.

I use to force myself into doing things I was scared of doing like swimming farther out in the ocean or striking up a conversation with a new person at church (love people, hate small talk) because I didn't like the feeling of fear. I guess SOMD is one of those moments. It's a new chapter, a new season or whatever you want to call it; it's still new. It's the unknown and that can both exciting and unnerving
.
I've never done an SOMD but I now find myself staffing one. I've convinced myself I'll be ok and that I know what I'm doing but the truth is I don't. That's a good thing. It leaves plenty of room-- and I mean plenty-- for God to really step in and make a miracle out of me. One of the coolest things from the DTS I staffed last year was seeing God use me to do things and say things that were so clearly the direct result of him working through me. I didn't know what to say when people came to me telling me their life's trauma that I had never experienced and I definitely didn't know what to do when our van broke down one frigid morning while on outreach in New Zealand (turns out through God you can be a grand optimist).  It's a special grace, an anointing that allows you to be equipped for whatever task he's called you to and for now SOMD is just that. I've been praying that a lot lately. Praying to remind myself that through him I am more than capable to do anything he has called me to do.

Like I said, SOMD is new which means tons of new people. New people means new challenges and I love it. I can already feel people pulling up certain parts of me that I didn't even know I had. When you staff it is like people are begging you to look more like Jesus and it's not a bad thing. You train leaders who often end up training you. People watch you and you end up having to watch yourself. I apologize already. I already know I've said a couple things that weren't exactly loving and as soon as I said them I knew it. I forget that my words and the rest of the SOMD staff team's sets the tone-- and we want to set a good one.

I'm praying that in this school I learn to balance it all. To not fold under pressure and to minimize the breakdowns due to being overwhelmed. (Is it really possible to be underwhelmed???) I want to walk in glorious peace and leave space for my students to do so as well.

The students. They are so kind and quirky. They let you breathe; you never feel like you have to be someone else because they are too busy being themselves to force you into putting up a front. They shared their testimonies this week. They are open and honest and it is a privilege to be able to hear their hearts. I've fallen in love with their stories and am honored to be a part of them for a little while longer.

It's really hard to pin point what God has done in my life this week except maybe building an anticipation. It's like I've been handed a plane ticket to a country I've never been to before, but I'm ready to explore and to adventure despite knowing what it's really going to look like. And all I can really do is reassure myself  that it's going to be the trip of a lifetime and that I'm really going to love it.

- Abby

The School Has Begun

WHEN IN DOUBT TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER

The AWAKEN girls go for Pizza

One thing that always stuck with me at the end of my DTS was something my beautiful Norwegian friend Malin said while standing in front of our bright eyed graduating class:

"If God the creator of the universe created time, then why do I even worry about never having enough of it?"

This spoke straight to my heart. Why? Because like her and so many others I sometimes let the busyness of life keep me at a constant state of frantic. I don't have time to be frantic, I want to enjoy all the little things, especially now that the DTS has begun!

Ohana Court first day

worship and prayer with Isaac and Rosie

We are now two weeks into the AWAKEN April DTS here at YWAM Kona. I'm pinching myself. It's finally here.

I Abby Eastman from Canada has officially begun the process of staffing a DTS. WOOTWOOT. I'm taking it all in, one deja vu at a time. So many moments have passed where I realize that I am going though the process of DTS again but this time with a totally different perspective. I am here to mentor but at the same time to learn. I really can't imagine not learning especially now that I have 35 new faces surrounding me, all with eager hearts to learn and share. I can't stop smiling when I speak to any of the 35 students in the April AWAKEN school, simply because I know that they are going to be so changed when these 6 months are over. They already are changing -- everyday, and I am blessed to be able to walk along side them as they do.

My amazing student Sarah has been filming a video for our school each week so here's both week 1 and week 2. Watch em. She is so talented, plus her videos do a waaay better job of depicting what a DTS actually looks like. I could sit here trying to put my thoughts into words for hours attempting to give you a fragment of what it's like here in Kona, but a visual will speak volumes louder.

Oh and my lovely student Morgan Wright took these picture.


Until next time

Abby

"Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards"

- Tina Fey

Song of the week: Josh Garrels - Heaven's Knife

This One Is For Victoria

I LOVE HIS PRESENCE 

Praying for Latin America during one of the prayer
sets. I want to go so badly

Well here's to the very long overdue blogpost.

I am sorry as per usual. I cannot stress enough how crazy and hectic and wild and wonderful life seems to have been. I have failed at recognising that time management is a priority but from now on I will try my best (I think you will find me glued to my computer screen often)

These past two weeks have been wild. I'm 95% sure I say that every week but it's true! If you are reading this then I once again extend an open invitation to come visit me in Hawaii so you can really know what I am talking about.

My bestfriends......

Farm News: Well yeah the farm hasn't changed much. It's the usual daily grind. Everyday I go home with an excessive amount of dirt on my skin but I don't mind. I really do enjoy the people I work with. And as much as I don't like animals the newborn lambs are pretty cute. I'm also just so amazed at what the people at the farm do. They develop new ways to appropriately help eliminate poverty. Self sustaining vegetation systems and crops that are easy to grow but also have supple amounts of nutrients are what I deal with on a daily basis.Once a week we have a video and discussion on world poverty at the farm and it's always enjoyable and insightful. I planted a couple trees, harvested onions that we use in the cafeteria, and mixed compost (aka cockroach kingdom ewwww) all in the course of two weeks...maybe three. Oh I definitely need to update more.

I adore Firestarters.
One of the fun things we do during the program is crafts!

Awaken News: I love the people I will be staffing with in April. The school is fast fast fast approaching and it doesn't feel real. The plan is to set the family/ kingdom culture before the students arrive so that the school will reflect it's leadership. We want to be a family now so that our school will be a family when it starts. We meet twice a week together just to hang out, discuss what's to come and hear awesome speakers teach on leadership all in the name of team bonding and I love it. Every time we get together I get this sense that this DTS will be special. A good chunk of us are first time DTS staff which adds this excitement of the unknown to our team. I haven't found out where I am leading an outreach team to or even where we are going. I do know that I will know very soon though, not that I can share on this blog -- potential students could be reading. Speaking of: if you are currently kind of lost in life and don't know what to do then please join me here in Kona in April. You won't regret it. DTS is life changing. 

Other News: Hmm I led Firestarters a week ago? Firestarters is the children's ministry that runs during Thursday night base meetings so that parents who have young kids can attend the meeting without worrying about tantrums and runny noses. It was fun. No children were hurt and I was blessed by their smiles and sheer wit. 

Until next time

-Abby

"You can try and take us but we're the gladiators...and victory's contagious"

- Lorde

Song of the Week: Good Good Father - HOUSEFIRES

A Sky Full of Stars

across the earth, tear down the walls

Thursday night worship in the Ohana court

The night skies in Kona are much different than the ones back home in Canada. Fewer streetlights and fewer people means that each night when the clouds permit, you see an extraordinary array of stars. Every time I look at them I am in utter awe of how creative God is and how faithful he's been to bring me back to the island. I've been trying for a couple weeks to spot the big dipper because truth be told, it's the only constellation I know. I haven't seen it yet but I know it's there. I saw it last summer, magnificent and slightly slanted in the night sky. But I'm here for awhile. I will find it again.

The plaza of the nations

These past two weeks was in lack of a better word "interesting". People keep telling me that the Leadership Track is a time where you are challenged to really just let God take a hold of every single part of your life and let him help you deal with the deeper issues you got going on. Funny enough I'm finding out that they're right. These recent weeks have been a HUGE process of "re-finding"  my identity. I've always to some degree known who I am but lately I've had the chance to dig deeper. It's been hard: searching through a mess of things to really find the truth but it's so worth it. If you asked me who I was a week ago I could tell you but not an ounce of belief would be behind my words. Ask me now and though my confidence may seem shaky I think I could look you in the eye and tell you straight up and I am proud of that fact.  

Hiding in the fish net we built.

In work duties news: I'm actually kind of enjoying working on the farm. Cindy, one of my supervisor, is a literal angel. Her passion and patience makes working on the farm slightly more enjoyable. I still don't have enough confidence to reach under a chicken and grab an egg but I'm working on it. Me and three other girls built a fish net for the aquaponics system. We basically designed and built it entirely by ourselves. I think it looks like a circular hockey net but apparently to the people who work at in aquaponics it's an "answer to prayer".

Also in exciting news: I am now officially staffing the April Awaken DTS. It felt like one of those moments when everything just clicked and I knew in an instant that this was going to be a good thing. Before coming to Kona I would sit in bed and would wonder what it was going to be like to mentor students. Students who have come from various backgrounds and situations but all have a passion to know God on a deeper level. Will I be good enough and strong enough? I do hope for their sake and my own I that I am. Don't worry though. I will be. I 'm not doing this alone.

- Abby   

                   

"Feel the fear and do it anyway"

- Susan Jeffers

Song of the Week: Elastic Heart - Sia

YYZ to KOA

12 hours till destiny

The infinitely beautiful hawaihey

For exactly 12 hours straight I could hear the audible sound of my heartbeat. I'm pretty sure that everyone at one point in their life lets worry and stress consume their very being to the point that they can't function properly. Or maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe it's just me who lets worry get the better of myself, but I don't think it is.

For 12 hours as I flew over the land and the sea all I could think about was the challenges that would come once my feet were firmly planted in the sands of Kona, Hawaii. What was I afraid of exactly? Being on my own for the first time? Meeting tons of new people? The emotional and physical demands that come with being a missionary (yes even one based in Hawaii)? I could go on but I think you might get the picture. I've always loved and embraced change with open arms so I couldn't put a finger on why exactly Hawaii seemed to scare me so much, especially since I'd spent 6 weeks there this summer.

I have now been living in Hawaii for just shy of 2 weeks and I apologize for not writing this update sooner. I swear to you that I will try to update weekly -- that is if my life produces events interesting enough to blog about.

I love this girl. Kaitlyn is a gem from Oregon.

Despite my fears, people have been incredibly friendly as I try and figure out what my role is going to be in this community. It's a tad bit overwhelming having a ton of new faces to remember but I am extremely thankful that almost every face I meet has a warm smile across it.

I am currently living with 7 other girls which to some might seem like a challenge. We have one bathroom but it hasn't seemed to be a problem yet. They are all really nice and I can't wait to spend the next 3 months with them.

There are around 40 people who are in the Leadership Track with me. In the short time we have known each other I can see small signs that we are becoming a family. A couple nights ago we had a dessert night together and I realized that I find just as much joy chomping on a slice of cake as I do talking to the lovely people I have met here in Kona.

I work at the farm 3 days a week for a total of 9 hours. If you didn't know, I don't have the biggest tolerance for animals. Yesterday my friend Kayla and I spent literally 40 minutes trying to get an egg from under a chicken. I think it's safe to say that all hope of me being an animal lover kind of disappeared with the chicken feed that the hens attacked me for.

My girl Kayla (Canadian girls love Star Wars)

There have been so many moments this week that I so wish that any of you who are reading this could have joined me in. I want you to feel what I am feeling right now because this is what true happiness feels like. This little pocket of radical lovers all after the same thing, in what I consider paradise, brings me so much joy and has taught me so much about living life to the fullest. But it's not just the place or the people but the very fact that I am alive and breathing and am so blessed to be doing what I am doing that gets me excited to wake up every morning. 

I believe with all my heart that there are just some things that you are meant to do and coming back here for a more prolonged trip is one of them. I'd be foolish to think that this next 9 months is going to be perfect because it's not, but I really feel like God wants me here, so I know without  a doubt that in the end everything is going to work out. 

- Abby

My new family: The Leadership Track

"So I close my eyes to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings"

-Nick Frederickson

Song of the Week: Bite Down - Bastille vs Haim